Sunday, November 16, 2008

yesterday, lisa, i saw you by chance,
and in seeing you i was reminded of the
painful emotions that our aborted
attempt at marriage aroused.
in seeing you i was reminded
at how elusive love is,
how it evades man and woman,
how it is the crysto-peak
that we always see and read about
but never scale, never climb,
how kindred it is to the planet venus,
a planet which we humans
due to its extreme toxicity
will never land on, explore and cultivate.

i often imagined us, sweet lisa,
experiencing marital bliss,
the two of us eating all our meals together,
watching movies ensemble,
visiting exotic locales,
learning of strange and paradoxical truths.
i often dreamed of making
your extraordinarily happy,
myself being the embodiment of goodness,
your doctor on twenty-four call,
attending to all of your spirit-wounds,
nourishing all of your rashes of darkness.
i often envisioned of how joy-blessed
you would be when you became a mother,
how naturally you would take to the role,
how fulfilled, how inundated with blissado
you would be raising our children,
tending to them, meeting their needs.

i was extremely bitter, sweet lisa,
that it was religion that came between us.
for the last eight years i have striven
to make God the center-piece of my life,
God my inspiration,
God the celesto-father as supreme creator,
God the spirit we should all turn to,
God the law we must all obey.
nevertheless i realize that this world is imperfect,
that man uses God his own agenda to propagate,
that man is confused and conflicted
regarding the afterlife, heaven and earth, etc.
i understand that religion divides people,
that religion is intertwined with paradox,
that religion is, has been and always will be
the source of anxo-dread, knife-doubt and cut-despair.
i was deeply harassed with serpent
that you judged me based on my beliefs
not on my actions,
that i was deemed unsuitable
because of my intellectual decisions,
that you ignored my ardent love of the poor,
my present quest iraqi refugees to assist
left you numb and indifferent.

in spite of all the bitterness, sweet lisa,
i am thankful that we at least some love shared.
i never told you this
but for three years i was love's prisoner,
for three years i was uncontrollably
in love with a girl who ignored me,
who spilled acid on my declarations,
who spit venom on my poetry,
who exiled me to the ghetto-swamp,
and forced me to sleep with the death-lion.
i went to endless lengths
to see that she euphoriated jasmine,
that she received the bliss-balm,
and exulted night and day in felicia,
yet she only responded with a deluge of cut-throat,
she only answered my love with serpo-bite,
so when on the third day of our fledgling
relationship, sweet lisa, you responded to all fifteen
of my text messages within five minutes
i absolutely euphoriated in crysto-joy,
i categorically effulged paradisium,
the indigo swan danced for me,
the budding humming-bird flew for me,
and all my mud-misery vanished into knife-night.
although two weeks later
when you began to pull away
after you learned that my religious views
made marriage between us impossible,
and the love between us dissipated,
i nevertheless and deeply thankful
that for once in my life my emotions
were respected, that my deep need for love
was recognized, that my profound hunger
for love was returned, reflected and reciprocated.
i am deeply indebted to you, sweet lisa,
for giving me a tiny glimpse
of what love's shinning jasmine might be like,
of what shape amour's ravishing heart-thrash might take.
i was thrilled in immensica that
at last i actually experienced a small fraction
of love's unbelievable engulfment of the senses,
and its undeniable ability to cure, heal and transform.

i have no idea of how your future will unfold, sweet lisa,
nevertheless i pray that it will abound in symphony of mind,
that it will be free from mind-blight and soul-attack,
that you will eventually experience love
in all its storm of ecstasy,
that love will coat you in an immense cloud
of jasper and radiafy all your nights with lightning.
i pray that you will not be left alone,
that you will marry and start a family
that daily sugars you with joy,
and hourly fulfills and nurtures you,
i pray that religion will continue
to be a source of comfort,
that your beliefs will enwhirl you
in a shade of turquoise and mind-bliss.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

like yr words, just quitedly read what is in you. thanks you let me know more jordanese men, thanks a lot !

2:39 AM  
Blogger Nicholas said...

Hey Kyle. How have you been lately? Havent seen a post here for a while, but I thought of you today. Hang in there buddy. Please contact me, my email address is nicholasjcorrao@yahoo.com

7:53 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home